The absence of mental health is due to the following:
- Unrealistic expectations
- Looking for love
I cannot count the many ways I have fell victim to these 3 ways of living my life.
Looking for love
“I am a man, and a man needs love too…”
-this dude writing
Love. An ever changing and always welcome feeling to all those who are looking for it. But what if the love you want is not love at all?
What if what you think is love is a horrible nightmare that involves two people seeing each other as possessions?
What if love is a daily verbal, physical, or emotional abuse that drains the life out of you?
What if love is an addiction to a person, place, or thing in your life?
I have experienced all these versions of love and then some. But every time, I reached a point where I saw my mistake. I saw how what we called love had turned into violent acts against ourselves.
And in order to keep love we had to continue the abuse. We had to continue to tell ourselves the unrealistic lie. The lie that this is what love feels like and its the best thing for me.
No its not. At any point in time you have the right to ask yourself the question “What is love to me?” If your definition requires you or the other party to suffer in any way then start over.
Do not go out the house, don’t go to the bar, don’t go to grandmas house until you really hone in on what love is to you.
I asked myself the same question. I fucked up my answer so many times but I eventually got to my own definition that allowed love to flow to me instead of me chasing it.
Love: verb; the allowing of a person, place, or thing to be their selves
When I came up with this definition a lot of struggles became lessons on who I was and what was important to me.
As a child I chased love. My parents popped in and out of my life. I knew I loved them because no matter how long they were away I always longed for their return with open arms. I knew that no matter what fucked up positions they left us in I would forgive them because that was who they were. And that was the only version of love they could provide me with at the time. With that in mind, I also realized I focused on that version of love so strongly that I created the same scenarios in my adult life.
There were times where I couldnt feel love from my sig. fig. (significant other) unless they treated me like my parents. Ignore me. Stay distant. Contradict yourself. Twist words. etc. That was when all felt right. But I was fooled. I fooled myself into feeling like this was the love I deserved. I fooled myself into thinking I wasn’t good enough for real love so this is why my parents dipped out. If I was better then I would be loved.
I was enough. and You are too.
Love is not something someone gives you for being the way they want you. Love is something you allow. Love is when you accept yourself and your flaws. Your greatness and your ugliness. No one can love you until you love yourself. Not because they can’t, but because the love you feel in their presence is fueled by the love you feel for yourself.
What you are really feeling is the person or thing allowing you to accept yourself in their presence.
The more a person, place, or thing can allow you to accept yourself the more love you feel.
Think of the last time you told someone an embarrassing secret. If the person showed you understanding and maybe provided their own secrets there will be a certain level of love exchanged.
Or think of your pet. When was the last time your dog or cat called you a whore? That’s why people feel love from animals. Because no matter how you carry yourself you will always find your pet around. Dogs don’t care about how many girls you slept with. You are still lovable. They accept you.
Love is not something that the world will give you. Its something that you will find in yourself. The more authentic you can be with people the more you can find love in yourself. Soon enough you will be allowing people to be their authentic selves around you and they will be feeling the love too.
Here is the recipe.
- Be your weird ass self. Your boring ass self. Your happy self. All of yourself.
- See what or who sticks around while showing your many facets.
- Spend the most time with the ones in your life who allow you to show most if not all of your many facets.
Another thing off your mind.One less struggle.
As long as you have YOU, you will have love.
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